Apart from that one, coarse black hair that sprouts its curly way from my chin and appears – magically – overnight, a bit like Jack’s beanstalk (though not green and leafy) nothing makes me more annoyed than junk mail and unwanted door to door salesmen. I’ve avoided the ugly No Junk Mail sticker and Don’t Knock Unless You’re Invited stickers that I’ve seen plastered over some front doors along my road; I’ve always thought them a little tacky and Victor Meldrew-ish. But not anymore.
Honestly, this week, I’ve had unwanted correspondence about everything that I don’t want to know about and it isn’t helpful, it just adds to my recycling pile (or lays gathering dust in the letter rack until I can be bothered to throw it away!). And what about the salesmen or charity workers who turn up just when dinner’s about to be dished up and start my dog, Troy, off in a frenzy of excited woofing? Troy thinks whoever comes to the door is out to get ‘his family’ and so it is his duty to snarl and bark until his eyes almost eyes pop out – or until the salesman runs off down the path in fear. And them running away suits me if they are trying to get me to sign up to a charity. I already give to the charities that I want to, the amount that I want to and when I want to and I’d prefer not to be ambushed into signing a direct debit on the spot for a fixed amount which invariably means constant emails and calls from the charity asking me for even more money – which is thinly disguised as a thank you call, updating me about the cause.
And how about the regular knocking on my door of Frankie’s Fresh Fish Man? I don’t know how many times I have to tell him that that no matter how jolly and fisherman friendly he is, my family don’t like fish much and we never will – so JOG ON fish face! And, the caller that makes me want to close the blinds and hide behind the sofa the most, is the man selling home-wares: I don’t want to buy badly made dish clothes and feather dusters at the door – but buy them I do – and at hugely inflated prices (don’t tell Stressed Husband) because I feel sorry for the homeless guys selling them.
However, there is one thing I would be happy to buy at the door if you’re selling and that’s a No Junk Mail sticker…and I’ll even pop the dog out the back for you.