I can hear what you’re thinking: Not another bloomin’ thing about dieting. I know, I know, I feel your pain – you can’t open a magazine or newspaper these days without coming across a picture of an ever decreasing celebrity. So does that mean all of those “I’m happy to wave the flag for fatties, I love being big and sexy” articles are all a lie? Do those fat-now-skinny celebs believe they were just trying to make big girls feel positive about the wobbly skin they are in? Maybe. Anyway, I’m not having a go about them because I understand what it’s like to be larger than I want to be (slightly overweight on the bmi index – enough for a doctor to have once commented ‘your hip pain would probably be better if you lost a stone’. Grrr) But I also understand how wonderful it is to feel slim-er and that is why, once again, I’m on my annual ‘bikini body diet!’ Let the fight of the flab commence…ding ding, week one!
So, how did my ‘new-me’ week come about? Well, I jumped (flopped) out of bed, grabbed my muffin top with both hands and twisted it angrily while staring in disgust at my underwear clad body. This has to go! I shouted in my head while Stressed Husband watched bemused from the bathroom. As if he knew what I was screaming in my head he ‘helpfully’ pointed out that I’d had three children (pah – body snatchers!!) and that – for my age – repeat – for my age – I looked ok. OMG! Luckily it was only a pair of socks I had in my hand and not the kitchen knife because, after those words of wisdom, those socks bounced off SH’s head as aggressively as a pair of fluffy white socks could. Doesn’t he know? Isn’t it in the Marriage Rule Book? Surely, he’s been married long enough to know that uttering the words ‘for your age’ and looking ‘ok’ are tantamount to saying ‘you’re a fat old hag and you look gross!’ Anyway. Once I’d calmed down (48 hours later) I decided I would show SH and really stick to a healthy eating plan (this time) and up my exercise so that by the time we jet off on our hols in 4 weeks time, I hope to look a smidgen better than just ‘ok‘.
So, c’mon flubber – bring on the fight. But be warned – I’ve got a pair of fluffy socks in my hand and I’m not afraid to use them!