Fake Yourself 5 Years Younger – Part 1

Another wrinkle? Noooooooo!

Photo: bbc.co.uk

On days (like every day) when I wake up, look in the mirror and gasp with horror at the arrival of another wrinkle around the eyes, another crinkle on the decolletage and further sagging of the skin, I imagine what the likes of eternally youthful beauties like  Jennifer Aniston or Heidi Klum would do? Would they do what I feel like doing – smack the mirror (hurt my hand) and go online to find a burka and balaclava ensemble to hide my hideousness away? Oh no, their perfect little digits would tap on their ‘cells’ to their team of make-up artists, facialists, cosmetic surgeons…or, looking at how they actually seem to be ageing backwards, perhaps it’s the embalmer they’ve got on speed dial?

But let’s not get bitter (God, I hate them!) Imagine how lovely it would be to have access to their beauty experts (and their bank accounts) but I haven’t and I haven’t yet found the shade of balaclava and burka that is me and so, this is how I cope with the bits I don’t like…Part 1*

1. Crinkly Decolletage – the posh, French word for chest sounds so much prettier, but French or English, it doesn’t stop it from looking crepey and sun damaged. What you can do to keep it looking smooth and youthful for as long as possible is to stay out of the sun (boring), cover it up (I’m not a nun) or smother it with factor 30 plus at all times. I do use a high SPF when my chest is on show and that’s probably saved me from some damage, but old Mother Nature (yeah, she’s a right mother *&!!*$) will eventually catch up with you (unless you’re Jen or Heids, of course) and crinkles will come whether you like it or not.

TRICK: Whatever the weather, a scarf knotted around the neck is a godsend, it looks stylish, can make a boring outfit pop and keeps your chest casually covered. Like so…

photo: socalfashionupdates.onsugar.com 

Another way of avoiding a tram lines on the chest is to avoid sleeping on your side or stomach as your boobs will flop/scrunch together (nice) and cause the flesh to crease. I’ve tried this but find it too difficult as lying on my front is my cosiest sleeping position, so I may have to invest in one of these Decolletage Pads which were invented by a Hollywood Makeup Artist…I’ll let you know how I get on.

2. Crow’s Feet – As the skin around the eyes is so delicate, it’s one of the first areas to show signs of ageing and aside from never venturing outside the door – ever – there’s no way to prevent them. Of course, there are ways of improving them or keeping them at bay as best you can and that’s by drinking plenty of water to keep the skin hydrated and to use a good eye cream. Oh yes, and most importantly, don’t smoke! Puffing away on a fag will reduce collagen so skin loses its elasticity as well as depleting your Vitamin C levels.  Beware…

Give up!

I love Liz Earle’s Superskin Eye & Lip Treatment, £26.50 because its naturally active ingredients such as West African shea butter, cranberry, rosehip and borage seed oils to leave the eye contours looking and feeling plumper, hydrated and brighter.

TRICK: This is one I nicked off those celebrities in the know and it works! You can’t beat a large pair of shades. Not only do they look cool and stylish and hide a multitude of ugliness like crow’s feet, bags, hungover blood shot eyes, but they protect the skin from the elements, preventing further damage. Gotta love those sunnies 🙂

Photo: People.com

For an evening, you can’t really wear your sunglasses inside unless a) you want to look like a tit or b) you’re Frankie Cocozza in cbb (in which case you are pulling off both a and b). So, I would suggest that before your foundation, you dab on a little ‘filler’ like L’Oreal Paris Studio Secrets Smoothing Resurfacing Primer, £14.29 with silicone oil which smooths and softens lines.

*PART 2 to follow soon!

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2 thoughts on “Fake Yourself 5 Years Younger – Part 1

    1. Hi HonestMum, thank you for popping by my blog – I’m glad you enjoyed it! Glad I found yours as well – thanks to BritMums! I shall add you to my blogroll so I can cheer myself up on those days that Mother ****** is giving it large! 🙂 xx

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