Rebel with an earring

REBEL

Having witnessed the metamorphosis of my eldest daughter from innocent, sweet girl to curvy, know-it-all teenager, you would’ve thought that I’d be well ready by the time My Boy hit the big 1-3, but it’s soooo different. For a start, his voice – in just one sentence you get an incredible cocophony of pitches from the highest note in the Bee Gee’s ‘Staying Alive’ to the deeper than deep gruffness of Frank Butcher bellowing ‘Paaaaat’ – and that’s just when he’s asking me to pass the Cocopops! You should hear it when he’s arguing with his sisters – it’s fascinating. I was even thinking of entering him (or rather his voice) into Britain’s Got Talent, just for the sheer strangeness of it; I reckon the weirdness of it would even manage to raise Amanda’s motionally challenged eyebrow!

So, the voice is one thing. The height is another. How is it possible for a human to grow so quickly overnight? He seems to be on a par with Troy our lab puppy in the growth stakes – he overtook my average 5ft 6, sometime ago and is quickly racing towards his dad’s 6ft 4. I’m having to come to terms with the fact that when he needs ‘a talking to’, I have to look up to tell him off, which somehow dampens the severity of my crossness and so I have to make up for my disadvantaged height by shouting louder…

And shout very loud I did last Friday when My Boy returned home from school brandishing a huge, tacky, chavvy, blinging diamante W (his name’s initial) in his ear. “But mum, this boy at school’s mum works in a beauty salon and she has all the proper piercing stuff. Ear gun, sterilised needle and everyfing! It only cost me 2 quid and I fought you’d be happy I was being responsible and not getting Aids from a dirty needle!” Looking up at his worried boy/man face and listening to his weird voice as he tried to wriggle out of a another weekend grounding, I couldn’t help laugh at him and his sparkly ear. Awww, he might be growing into a man, but he’ll always be My Boy. Gangly, skinny body, Weird voice, earring and all.

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