Are you a Canny Cruncher?

Do you know what? You’d better call Mr Darling. I think I may have just found a way to get dear Old Blighty back into the red. Honestly. Finance and economics (anything to do with numbers actually) have never been my strong point. In fact, I go so far as to say that I might have that number blindness syndrome thingy that’s like dyslexia but with numbers (maybe that’s why I’ve been telling people I’m 39 again this year – well I can’t remember, see. Birthdays are numbers and I’m not good at them.) However, I so think I have hit upon something here: If everybody around the country, in every household, puts a pound coin in a jar everytime we hear or see the flipping words ‘credit crunch’ or ‘economic crisis’ – whether it be uttered by a friend, on the telly, the radio or read in the paper – then the money we accrue together after a few weeks, will add up to trillions! Okay, so maybe I’m being silly. Maybe my idea won’t end the economic crisis (oh, pounds in the jars please, ladies. You haven’t got any spare coins? An I.O.U will do) but you might have enough in your jar at the end of the week for a nice bottle of wine (or a few cans of Strongbow) which should help you to forget all about the doom and gloom for at least one bloody night.

And there’s more…

Lately, I’ve been reading all about those crafty mums who used to be part of the sisterhood of Undomestic Goddesses. You remember: Hmmm I’ve got enough housekeeping left for a packet of nappies or a bottle of Cava. Sod it. I’ll go for the Cava and text Stressed Husband while on my way round to friend’s house to say “oops, soz hun, 4got 2 get nappies but u’ll cope wnt u?” But since they’ve realised credit crunch (jars, please) is here to stay, they’ve become a worthy combination of my Nanny Ciss – for her first class knitting skills and ability to make mutton tasty; Vera Lynn – for her perky spirit and keeping peckers up in a crisis and tippy toey home-maker, Anthea Turner – for being unwittingly smug in a here’s one my maid made earlier kind of way. And ladies, it’s beginning to grate on my nerves…

Everywhere I turn it’s “Oh, look at me! I’ve just made a gourmet dinner for 20 out of tuna (from my own fishtank) and an onion (from my own garden) and it didn’t cost me a penny!” And worse, some are even making money out of having no money – how sickening is that? “You’ll never believe it! I asked the dear old local shop owner if he had any spare habadashery he could give me in return for my scrummy home made cakes that I rustled up this morning at 5am while baking wheat free bread ready for my darling’s organically home grown packed lunch. And I’ve just spent a wonderful afternoon revamping my wardrobe and guess what? Kate Moss has only gone and asked me to run her up a little frock. Oh, and the little shopkeeper is paying me to make more scrummy cakes because they’re selling like – scrummy cakes! Isn’t that great?” No actually. It’s not. It’s bloody annoying. And why? Because I’m crap at credit crunching. It’s not that I’ve got money to spare (I wish!) just that it’s getting beyond boring now. Yes, we know Lidl’s is fab and cheap, yes, we know Primark does the season on a shoestring but c’mon girls, can’t we just put the pinny away for a moment and crack open the Cava? Nappies – who needs them anyway? Erm…okay. Well, if you’ve been putting your pounds in the jar while reading this, you’ll be able to buy them and the Cava! See, maybe I’m a Canny Cruncher after all! But, would you want to be like this? It’s all a bit Ellie-Grace on American Little Britain isn’t it!

Little Britain USA – Ellie Grace – Brownie Camp


3 thoughts on “Are you a Canny Cruncher?

  1. I know you’re busy with jury service but this will take your mind off things…I promised, it’s a meme on my blog – ciao ciao bling bling dolly x

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