My Hair Love Affair

Shhhh…I don’t know quite how to tell you this, but I have to tell someone, else I feel I might go mad. I’m having an affair…I know, it’s terrible – I can’t understand it myself. I’m no love struck teen, but all of a sudden I’ve found myself Googling pictures of my desire and wasting minutes (ok, hours) staring dreamily in awe. And when I see my love, my heart starts pounding and my hands get sweaty as I imagine what it would be like to…have Jennifer Aniston’s hair!

Yeah, yeah, I know what you lot were thinking! Oh, poor Stressed Husband, there he is, slogging his guts out trying to please clients from hell,  while she not only doesn’t have his dinner on the table for when he gets home and laughs away her laissez faire housekeeping skills, but she has the audacity to take a lover…selfish cow. Well now you know it’s not a ‘jiggy jiggy’ love affair you can calm down and have a look at this. I won’t believe you if you say your heart doesn’t skip a beat…or at least give a little flutter…

Jennifer herself is a pretty lady, that’s true, but I would still desire that hair, even if it was atop a gorilla. It’s not so much the style, mostly it’s the colour. How would you describe it? Soft caramel with golden flecked highlights? Ambrosia and cream? Oh whatever…it’s just gorge and I want it!

Since my first head of highlights at 15 which left my dark mouse coloured hair a greyish ash blonde with crispy bleached white ends, I’ve been on the quest for the perfect hair colour with some huge disasters along the way. Well, don’t forget, you had to have a follicle frizzling perm as well back in the day (the 80’s!) so by lightening your hair too you were asking for trouble…

Where's the afro comb hiding?

I’m still searching for that perfect shade between mouse and blonde with lighter golden streaks a la Jennifer Aniston above but no matter what adjectives for hair colour I use…custard, caramel, camel, golden, honey, amber….whenever I leave the hairdressers, I still get my regular mid-blonde highlights with a few darker streaks thrown in. It’s nice. I like it, but I don’t luuuurrrrrrve it.

Here are another couple of shades I like…

and

So hellbent am I on achieving this holy grail of a hair colour, that I have been known to run through a crowded street with the intention of accosting some poor innocent (bloody lucky) woman that sports just the shade I’m after to ask where she had it done. But as I’m running (or walking speedily – don’t want to look like a nutter) I always lose my bottle and think perhaps when I reach her, she will simply laugh at my raggedy, blah coloured hair stuck to my sweaty forehead and say spitefully  ‘I’m not telling!’ before shimmying away, flicking her jel-inspiring locks.

So, instead I just flick through hundreds of magazines and websites and build up a little portfolio of pictures that I take to the hairdressers (and stare at a lot) and hope that one day I too, might have lust-worthy hair.

Beauty for Lazy Cows…Like Me (Part 2)

Photo: 1000funnypictures.com

Hit that snooze button ladies and have a few more zzzz’s because these little beauties are the lazy girls best friend…

Swift lips: I am such a slob that nowadays I rarely apply ‘real’ lipstick because precise application takes a bit of time and effort – unless you don’t mind looking like Baby Jane or a weird old bag lady.

I prefer the easy option (no kidding?) of a slick of gloss, lip balm or my new favourite lip pencils which shape and colour in one. Clinique Chubby Stick Moisturising Colour Balm,£16, with lip softening ingredients is my must-have. It comes in a wearable range of colours and is such a breeze to use, it’s right up Lazy Lane.

Hurry up Hair: Remember the days of sprinkling talc along your roots before the school bell rang to try and mop up the grease? You  might have got away with it if you were very blonde, but for the darker haired among us, it didn’t matter how much you rubbed at your hair, you still looked like you dipped your head in a bag of flour or walked through cobwebs on your way to school. But nowadays there’s a whole host of spray in hair refreshers for all shades and they do the trick of hiding unwashed hair perfectly. I’ve tried them all but my absolute number one is Batiste Dry Shampoo, from £1.52. I have one in every room of the house, for my like-minded, lazy kids. I love that it also gives your hair a bit of body and smells great too.

Over my past 2 blog posts, I’ve uncovered my top products to get you looking fit fast, but I didn’t want to leave out those fabulous finds that may take a while to achieve results but which, in the long run, are big beauty time savers, so here they are:

Super Shellac: This is a god-send for those of us who are crap at keeping our nails looking groomed but want them to look like as if we bother enough to care (Friend: “ooh, your nails are lovely, you must spend ages on them?” You: Swish your hair back and sniff “Erm, no, not really”) A fortnightly visit to the beauty salon will ensure that for the next couple of weeks you can forget about your nails because this gel based polish treatment, around £20, will keep them chip free and gloriously shiny.

Hair Away: I think waxing is great because, eventually, hair growth slows down and you need it done less and less, thus saving time in the long run. But, I never get around to making the waxing appointment (I’m a chicken) so I really like Veet Minimising Body Moisturiser, £5.25, which keeps skin hydrated and slows down hair growth.

So, there you have it – there really is no excuse for looking dishevelled and less than gorgeous if you know which products can get you from drab to fab in the morning. Go get ’em girls!